The Divorce

My parents had three beautiful children: Angelo, Bianca (me), and Anthony. My parents raised all three of us properly. They never showed a bad example to us. They took us to church every Sunday and by the time I was six years old, I had fallen in love with Jesus in such a beautiful way; I had accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. I continued to grow in my love for the Lord until something happened in high school:

My parents were getting a divorce due to infidelity in the marriage.

You have to think about the situation I was in in order to understand how shocking and detrimental this was to me. My father was a deacon at my church; he served fervently and he was my inspiration into falling more in love with God.  I wanted to seek God just like He did. I looked up to him.

The fact that I was a junior in high school during this time did not make the situation easier to handle. I felt like this happened at the most unpractical time. I was sixteen years old! I needed my dad to tell me what boys to steer away from and I needed my dad to guide me; but most importantly, I just needed my dad to love me—that’s why I felt so empty when he told me that he was leaving.

“But dad, how can you do this to me? Don’t you love me? Don’t you love your kids? Stay for us, please.” All he could reply back was that it was for the best for us. Yeah, right—try explaining that to a sixteen year old.

I felt my world fall apart, like I lost a part of me. Who was I going to go to when I was scared and needed protection? Who was going to be there to talk about God with me?

You see, my parents were married for twenty-three years. I had lived with them my whole life until this situation happened. But in the midst of all this calamity, I still felt God comforting me. I stumbled upon “A Father’s Love Letter” online and read it every single day to comfort me.

“I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4”

(If you haven’t read this letter yet, I highly recommend you do!  Check it out here)

The first couple months were the hardest. Despite handling school, I had to help my mother battle her depression and anxiety every day. I was there when she tried committing suicide, I was there when she thought drinking her life away was the best option to eliminate all her pain and I was there when she suddenly had outbursts of crying. It was hard because I had to be strong for her; I couldn’t show emotion or my feelings because I needed to comfort her.

Day by day, things started getting better. I can truly say that without God—I don’t know where I would be. If I didn’t have Him to depend or lean on, I don’t know what I would be doing. Every single day after my dad had decided to leave, it felt like I was waking up to my worst nightmare. But God withheld me in His hands. And even though this story is still being written, I can truly say that after four years of this happening, I can truly forgive both of my parents for everything that has happened. I love them both with all of my heart.

My beautiful family when I graduated 2 years ago from high school!