EDITOR’S NOTE: The Enemy specializes in stealing, killing and destroying lives because we are made in the image of God and for Him. In Petro’s life, this was extremely evident. From depression to being addicted to pornography, Petro finally found her worth in Jesus.
This is my life story of how God healed me from depression.
The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but Christ gives live! (John 10:10). This is a story of how the enemy tried very hard to kill, steal and destroy my life but how Christ came and gave me life again:
I was not supposed to be born a normal baby. This is what the doctor said when he put me in my dad’s arms after I was born. My mother had severe anxiety and depression and to cope with this, she smoked 30 cigarettes a day and drank beer and prescription drugs till she passed out every night while being pregnant with me.
My dad raised me because my mother was not able to. A few years after my birth, she became sick with Lupus and died when I was 10 years old. She did not die because of the Lupus but because of organ failure due to all the drinking.
I was molested and raped between the ages of 2 and 9 and I was overweight as a child so I was teased and bullied every day in school.
So by age ten, I started to believe there must be something wrong with me. Why else was all this happening to me? My dad got married again and I felt replaced and rejected. I had no self-esteem, but learned to put on a brave face so that nobody would notice that something was wrong. I taught myself how to become the clown and the one who always helped everyone and the one who kept the peace.
I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 18 and put on medication. Nobody asked why I was depressed. I was told it was hereditary and I would have it for the rest of my life.
After high school I studied Youth Ministry. I had always loved God and wanted to serve Him. I became a youth pastor for the next 12 years.
However, I thought that the more I did for God and others, the less my own pain and depression would become. I was wrong. In all the years I was a youth pastor, nobody knew of my depression except for a handful of very close friends. I believed I had to hide it in fear that people would think I’m weak and not fit to be a spiritual leader.
I put more and more pressure on myself and searched for my significance in the tongues of spiritual leaders and in what I achieved. God and His Word started to become ‘work’ and I drifted further and further from Him.
I started to hate the church and resent God. I was offering up so much for Him, why could I not be healed from my depression???
I started to drink and dabble in witchcraft. Yes, while I was a youth pastor. I also became addicted to pornography. Somewhere something had to make me feel better about myself and less depressed!!! I was believing all the lies the enemy had always been throwing my way. He made me believe I was unlovable, unworthy, I was nobody, nobody cared and there was something wrong with me.
In 2012, after being booked into a mental health clinic for the second time, I had had it with God and the church and I left the church and youth ministry! I was done. For 6 months I fell deeper into witchcraft and pornography and my drinking and depression became worse. I then lost my job and moved to another City to live with my step-sister.
In this new city I tried finding a job but the only one that was available was an assistant youth pastor, so I took it and struggled my way through it. I just got more and more depressed and out of desperation went to see a Christian counselor. I had no hope in being helped. I just did it to please my friend who referred me to her. Before that I had been to 5 psychiatrists, 7 psychologists, tried 6 different antidepressants and nothing worked so what could a little old Christian counselor do for me? Oh I soon found out. You see, she was Spirit-filled and for the first time, I turned to God for help! He was waiting for me to do this this all the time.
God came and over a period of 3 years, He healed and restored and delivered me in a way that nobody else could do over a period of 16 years! I am now completely healed of depression. I haven’t used any medication for anxiety, depression or even sleeping for more than two years and I haven’t had one depressed day since! (Please don’t think I am talking down on medication. I do believe it has its place in mental illness, but it cannot heal mental illness).
He has restored my identity in Him and my worth. I now know there is nothing wrong with me! I am free and loved and for the first time I know Him for who He truly is. Only God can truly heal and restore brokenness. Only He can give back what the enemy has stolen. No amount of works or people pleasing can give us our worth or significance.
Serving God has a new meaning to me now and for the first time, I am doing it to give and not to get something from it. Ministering and counseling through the Holy Spirit has changed everything! God is slowly raising me up to help others trapped in the enemies lies and it is amazing to see His glory revealed through His healing. All glory be to God!